Beer: A Love Story

​Determined to take Rossland by storm, forty plus college-aged men post up at a local watering hole upon arrival. Antsy and ready to drink; only one of these men has never experienced the intoxicating flavors of beer. Our protagonist, the Beer Virgin, cautiously enters the bar after showing his identification to the large muscled-bouncer.

Not knowing correct bar-going protocol, the Beer Virgin heads to the restroom to formulate his next strategic move to obtaining his first pint of beer. He contemplates while relieving himself at the urinal. ​

*Not the exact urinal, but you get the idea.

Decompressing after a 200 mile charter bus ride, he finds comfort in the headrest above the urinal. A soft, lightly torn faux-leather covered padding; a headrest that has surely seen lots of questionable action. Bladder now evacuated, he continues to rests his head a little bit longer on the urinal headrest. The best invention ever, he thinks; and then repeats it to the restroom patron next to him. The Beer Virgin will come to appreciate this restroom accessory more throughout the night, as well as share his thoughts, again and again, to anyone in earshot. The numbing sensation begins to subside and the feeling in his legs creep back after a four, five, ten, he-can’t-remember hour charter bus ride from Pullman to Rossland. Thirsty now, the Beer Virgin makes his way to the bar counter. He quickly learns that ladies in skimpy clothing get priority over someone that has been waiting for 10 minutes. The Beer Virgin puffs up his chest, extends his elbows to widen his presence, and asks for a pint of beer. He gets it, but it doesn’t come without nasty looks from the ladies. “Pfffft!!!”, he sarcastically utters. In a celebratory manner, the Beer Virgin raises his pint with his buddies and excitedly takes his first sip. “Gawd!, that’s not great;” he thinks. His thoughts are painted across his faces, but knows glory is at the bottom of his pint glass. And the next pint. And the countless pint glasses that continued into the next day. Love is not always at first sight or at first sip. Love can take time (to ferment). Work your way from a Kokanee to craft beer. A craft beer is complex, full of flavor and gets better as it warms up. And that is loosely based on how I lost my beer virginity. It's not always good the first time, but keep trying. You may look silly, make funny faces and stumble in the process, but don't give up. Don’t lower your standards; it gets better. Travel to several watering holes and get a sampler. Pretty soon you’ll find what quenches your thirst. Be responsible though. How you approach and exit each experience provides a little insight into one’s character. However, if you mess up, take ownership and learn from that lesson. ​ If you have any beer virgin experiences that you want to share, post them in the comment section or email them to me → HERE What was your first beer? Cheers, James